Bluejake

The Basics
Age and occupation. How long have you lived here, where did you come from, and where do you live now?
I was born in Jersey, or Neu Jersualem, as we in the Persian community call it. I've lived in Manhattan since October 2003- I would have moved here sooner, but rents are so expensive these days, and I didn't want to settle. I found a place in SoHo. I had to get a couple of roommates, but we keep different hours, so it's not a big deal. I also have my own bathroom, which makes things easier.

Three for You
1. Thompson, there are painfully well-documented rumors about your strange habits all over the internet. Is it true that you sleep in a special hammock, religiously follow a diet of duck and green peas, and have a weird fetish for girls cutting paper with scissors?
I'm not going to lie to you, Andrew- I've done some wild things in my time. I think you would probably say the same thing about yourself- I mean, I've heard I'm not the only one that likes to have a butt-bath once in awhile. And I prefer not to comment on my sleeping arrangements or what I may or may not be doing with the women who visit my place. A gentleman never tells.

2. You are probably the most photographed cat in the burgeoning New York Blog scene. Jake Dobkin denies rumors that he is launching a petblog empire, but recent articles by Felix Salmon suggest that he's getting rich serving pictures of your naked body. Have you guys ever discussed a revenue sharing arrangement?
You've got it all wrong, Kru- Jake works for me. In fact, if you check the domain registration for this site, you'll see that it's actually in my name. Jake likes to talk big, but he's really more of an executive assistant than anything else. He gets me to my appointments, prepares my meals, and keeps my calendar. In exchange, I let him publish a few pictures every now and again- like one of the hangers-on at Warhol's factory in the 1960s. It's might seem like an unusual arrangement to you, but in this part of town it's actually pretty common.

3. What are you, anyway, some kind of furry owl?
I'm often described as a Persian Jew, but I prefer to call myself a New Yorker. Slap whatever label on me you want- there's no word in English for my style.

Proust-Krucoff Questionnaire
Please share a personal (and hopefully interesting) NYC taxi story.
I rarely leave the neighborhood, so I've only ridden in a taxi once or twice- I remember thinking that it smelled a lot like my bathroom.

Time travel question: What era, day or event in New York's history would you like to re-live?
Milan Kundera said that "most people deceive themselves with a pair of faiths: they believe in eternal memory (of people, things, deeds, nations) and in redressibility (of deeds, mistakes, sins, wrongs). Both are false faiths. In reality the opposite is true: everything will be forgotten and nothing will be redressed." So going back to the past seems a pointless exercise in nostalgia. I'd prefer to travel to the future, where Persian Cat overlords will rule New York.

9pm, Wednesday night - what are you doing?
Sitting on the couch, watching PBS. Or listening to Jake bitch about all the people who have crossed him that day. You wouldn't believe how crazy that kid is- Lockhart Steele is on his enemies list three times!

What's your New York motto?
Beastie Boys: "I shed light like cats shed fur / Ride around town like Raymond Burr"

Best celebrity sighting in New York, or personal experience with one if you're that type.
Nick Denton once came to the apartment- but I didn't really get to talk to him. It's too bad- since I'm a huge fan of Gawker, and I was hoping to pitch him on this idea I have for a blog- it's like Gawker but for cats- you know, gossip about who's who in cat media, blind items about who's really gay, the latest feline fashion catastrophes, etc.

What's the most expensive thing in your wardrobe?
You might not believe this, but I don't own any clothes. How bohemian is that?

Who do you consider to be the greatest New Yorker of all-time?
The vet at the Tribeca/Soho Animal Hospital- she's saved my life more times that I can count! Runner up: my catnip dealer- he gets me the pure stuff, and he never cuts it with oregano or anything like that.

What happened the last time you went to L.A.?
I'm actually going for the first time next month- I hope it's not as fake as everyone is always saying- I can't stand people who pretend to be something they're not.

Medication: What and how much do you take?
I'm not on any prescription meds, but I do take a lime dip for my ringworm once or twice a month.

Of all the movies made about (or highly associated with) New York, what role would you have liked to be cast in?
I wrote a treatment for a filmic adapation of Lloyd Webber's Cats, but my people in Hollywood are saying that Disney won't let it get made, on account of it competing with the Lion King.

If you could change one thing about New York, what would it be?
Get rid of all the dogs- damn filthy animals. They just go to the bathroom everywhere.

The End of The World is finally happening. Be it the Rapture, War of Armageddon, or the Red Sox win the World Series. What are you going to do with your last 24 hours in NYC?
Let's just say there will be a lot of heavy petting.

Sac appears to be adapting this interview for the stage, based on an original manuscript by James Joyce.

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